Monday, April 13, 2009

Mystery Man

Well goddammit. If there was ever a time to have a lousy memory.

Don't get me wrong, it comes in super handy when it comes to birthdays, holidays, and other overly-sentimental days and moments that people expect me to remember simply because it's important to THEM. Nobody ever remembers Talk Like a Pirate Day, why should I remember their birthday? Or my birthday, for that matter. Or that funeral.

But sometimes being forgetful (or just not giving a shit, I forget which I feel most of the time) has its downfalls. Like when you go out with a seemingly normal, perfectly cute guy and have no freakin' clue why you rejected him the first time around. It was on the tip of my tongue, swear to god...

I knew Tony Tambler wasn't physically deformed. That's an easy one to spot. And mental illness usually shows up early on in the date as well (although Liam was so damn hot. And he really did smell good. Stupid schizophrenia, ruining a perfectly good thing. Can you tell I'm not over him?)

But Tony just had that...thing. He was cute, polite, intelligent, and his shoes were just the right balance of gay and straight. You know what I mean.

And I totally blanked. I think I spent a good portion of the night (when I wasn't making out with him) trying to rack my brain as to what the hell was wrong with Tony. He wasn't too weird, too normal, too tall, too short, he wasn't that guy who did the eyebrow thing which freaked the crap out of me, he was just...Tony.

And it's been a long time since I've been with a good kisser. So I just kind of went with it and figured when I remembered, I'd remember. I usually get those epiphanies at the movie theatre in the middle of sappy romantic comedies because then it's really fun to call Brooke and tell her my important self-realizations while pissing off the maximum amount of people that I can around me. Especially if Brooke is sitting right next to me in the movie theatre, but she still answers the phone because she can't resist. I think I did that four times during Twilight. She fell for it every time.

Anyways, Tony is good at, ahem, everything, and a good time is had by all, and then I come home, and Little Miss Killjoy is waiting for me on the sofa, all puffed up like a proud bird. I know that sign. It means I'm about to be proven wrong about something.

And I was. Cuz here I was, making out with Tony, thinking he was totally normal. And instead, it turns out he's a total freak who belives in marriage. And as sad as I am to see him go, a girl's gotta draw a line somewhere with the type of guys she dates, because there are some sickos and weirdos out there and I just barely dodged that bullet with Tony. Good god. Marriage? What kind of a mental illness IS that?

I miss Liam.

Monday, April 6, 2009


blogging while hungover/ still possibly drunk not a good idea. just saying, if my spelling sucks and you can't understand what i'm talking about i'll ex plain it later.

going to make this one quick bc i might have to throw up again but can i just say that my head really hurts and it's not just bc i'm not gay. wait not sure i'm typign that right

what i'm trying to say is that i most of the time dont think i'm a bad person who leads people on, like if they dont have a chance with me i'm not gonna be all like yeeah, you have a chance with me, and i won't really date them except if they're taking me to a really nice restaurant but evn then if i don't want to keep dating them i won't, right? so here's the ting bc i'm supposed to go down on everyone I've rejected but Tammy was a lesbian and that makes me someone who leads people on bc i'm not Tammy nor am i a lesbian. but reuls are rules.

So fine i go on a date with tammy ans she's not actually that bad, i mean shes cute and everything but good god did brooke have to get me licquord up in order to just make tit to the date and she even had to drive me bc i was not in a position to be a diesignated driver by any means.

so I get dropped off at tammy;s place like i'm fourteen and going to the mall and brookes all 'have fun, go third base' and i'm all I hate you and tammy's like, who dropped you off? was that your ex-girlfrind? and I'm all, no. That was Evil Incarnate. Plus she's a tease you wouldn't like her.

And then of all things rammy fixes FOOD for DINNER. like that's okay to do vever. ANd i think i threw up in Tammy's closet, while I was peeing. which is kind of hard to do and i htink somebody should high gfive me.

anyways the date went badly bc there was food and tammy was a lesbian and i have a vague memory of throwing up hin her bathtub and wasn't sure how i got home. sluper tired now gonna go throw up one more time then call it a date.